In the latest of our series of interviews, Graham Bandage talks to Andrew Andrews, a man who went from being a humble market trader to one of the richest men in Britain.
Graham Bandage: Andrew Andrews, you’ve got a shedload of money.
Andrew Andrews: I should say so. Although I must say, I don’t keep my money IN a shed. Banks are safer and more convenient.
GB: It’s a shame, in a way. Imagine having a big load of money in your shed. That’d be ace.
AA: Can we move on?
GB: Yeah, I suppose. How did you make your money?
AA: Have you ever been to one of those German markets?
GB: Oh, yes. There are loads of them. I like them because they sell bread. But it’s not ordinary bread that you’d get from a shop. It’s extra-special bread that costs £10. Also sausages.
AA: That’s right. You can’t move for German markets in our city centres at this time of year. Gluhwein-crazed drunks stabbing each other. Teenagers off their faces on gingerbread. Bits of rope, the lot.
GB: I know you’re very rich and everything, but what’s your point?
AA: So what was happening in Germany?
AA: While all the German traders are over here?
AA: I flew over to Hamburg, and there were loads of Germans wandering around the market squares saying, “Was?” and other German words denoting confusion.
AA: Because there were no stalls. All the German market traders were over in Britain charging £8 for a hot dog. I could see a gap in the market.
GB: Well, just a gap.
GB: There’s no market. Your gap is essentially THE market. You’ve got a market-sized gap in the market.
AA: Anyway, I sent a load of English market traders over to Germany.
GB: How did that go down?
AA: Like a storm.
GB: Did you do the full experience?
AA: Oh yes, tarpaulin, wire coathangers, milk crates, the lot.
GB: That sounds great.
AA: Those Germans just couldn’t get enough of our teatowels and “genuine” Avatar DVDs. And at £47 a pop, who could blame them?
GB: So that’s how you made all your money.
AA: Oh, no, while I was over there I bought a Eurolottery ticket. Won £45m.
GB: Andrew Andrews, thank you.