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Archive for the ‘the menopause’ Category

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY

DOCTOR MACKENZIE IS SITTING AT HIS DESK.

ANGELA PUGH – 50s, PRIM – ENTERS.

DOCTOR:
Mrs Pugh, what can I do for you?

ANGELA:
Erm, you’re a general practitioner. Ideally, you would diagnose my illness and then either refer me on to a specialist or prescribe a remedy which I should then obtain from a pharmacist.

DOCTOR:
Ah, yes. I’d completely forgotten your tendency to answer every question in a very literal way. Must make a note. What appears to be the trouble?

ANGELA:
I have no idea. That is why I have come to see a diagnostician, such as yourself.

DOCTOR:
What is wrong with you?

ANGELA:
I refer you to my previous answer.

DOCTOR:
What. Are. Your. Symptoms?

ANGELA:
Ooo, well. I’ve been having hot flushes, mood swings…

DOCTOR:
Mood swings?

ANGELA:
That’s right, YOU MASSIVE TWAT!!! And I’m not as regular as I once was, with regard to my monthlies.

DOCTOR:
Well this is all perfectly normal. You’re undergoing the menopause, Mrs Pugh.

ANGELA:
The menopause. I literally have no idea what you are talking about.

DOCTOR:
Essentially, you will cease to menstruate and no longer be fertile.

ANGELA:
Oh, that’s good. I could do with a respite from all that fertility business. Terrible nuisance, what with having babies and the agony of childbirth and all that.

DOCTOR:
There’s not really anything I can prescribe. It’s an entirely natural…

ANGELA:
So when do they start again?

DOCTOR:
What?

ANGELA:
My periods.

DOCTOR:
They don’t.

ANGELA:
Oh, I think they must.

DOCTOR:
No, really, they don’t.

ANGELA:
Then they should bloody call it the menostop then, shouldn’t they? Calling it the menopause is misleading, YOU MASSIVE TWAT.

ENDS

I have to say that I agree with Angela Pugh. I also think they should call early onset of periods in juveniles the menofastforward.

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