Let me tell you about my day. It was all going much as expected until lunchtime. I was on my way to buy a sandwich when I bumped into Alistair Darling. He was distracted, probably thinking about the budget, which, by the way, must not fudge the gap in public finances. Urgent action is needed, but it will be difficult to get it past the PM.
He apologised and went on his way. It was then I saw her – a Sony Vaio VGN-AR61ZU High power Full HD laptop with Blu-ray Disc™ drive (reader/writer) and TV tuner.
“What’s a nice Sony Vaio VGN-AR61ZU like you doing in a place like this? She didn’t answer as she was waiting for a new Vista driver for her sound card.
I scooped her up in my arms and whisked her back to my place. Stuff work, I thought. I placed her carefully on my bed as I had been warned Sony Vaio VGN-AR61ZUs are not particularly shock-resistant. And then we did sex. Four times.
When we had finished, I saw her to the door. And in the corridor, I spotted TV’s Max Beesley borrowing a cup of sugar from my neighbour, Chantelle Houghton off Big Brother.
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I am disturbed, and more than a little disappointed, to discover that this blog is not among The Observer’s 50 Most Influential Blogs.
All right, so I’ve only been writing this for a month or so, but really? I mean, how dare they? How bloody dare they? I’ve got thousands* of readers hanging on my every word. If I told you all to jump off a cliff, you would, wouldn’t you? Yes you would, because I said so.
But, okay, it’s their game. So be it. I’ve got to play by their rules. Now, I’ve been through the list and the most influential blogs appear to be about politics, technology, showbiz gossip or sex.
Watch this space** . . .
* Admittedly a lot of them are passive readers, in the sense that they are in the same building/city as somebody ACTIVELY reading this blog. But I’m happy to count them. I mean, there’s nothing stopping them walking past a screen displaying this blog. That’s just as good as reading it.
** Well, not that space. Nothing’s going to change there, is it? I suppose I should have said “Watch the space above this blog entry”. But then that will only work when I’ve published a new blog entry. And if I’ve done that, you’ll have already read it.
I wish I hadn’t said anything now.
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