Archive for the ‘conkers’ Category

Do you know, Graham Bandage’s Lovely World is so lovely that he seldom manages to post here these days. Personally, I think he’s letting down the blogosphere.

But today, he has been stung into action. And here he is, acting. And speaking of himself in the third person, unable to think of a good way to shift into the first person. He’ll probably have to talk about himself for the entire post.

Bandage had occasion to buy a newspaper in WH Smith’s. “Would you like a bag?” asked the nice lady behind the till.

“No,” said Bandage. “I’ll be all right.”

“Yeah,” said the lady, “Save a tree.”

Can anybody explain where the flip one can find a plastic bag tree? Bandage thought he saw one once in Greenbank Park, but all that had happened was a discarded plastic bag had been blown up there by a gust of wind. Perhaps the lady in WH Smith’s had had a similar experience, but had failed to investigate. We will never know.

On the subject of trees, can anybody tell Bandage what the worst tree is? The answer is below*.

Tree bark, that’s nice. And brown. A friend of a friend contends that brown is a horrible colour, but Bandage thinks he’s wrong. Lots of nice things are brown. Just because poo is brown, it doesn’t mean that brown is bad.

A List of Nice Things That Are Brown

  1. Tree bark
  2. Onion gravy
  3. Chocolate
  4. Conkers
  5. Hair (some varieties)
  6. A polished bookcase
  7. Beyonce Knowles.

Bandage dares say he could come up with many more examples, but they’d probably be much of a muchness.

* Purgatory

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