Correction

Oh, bugger!

I’m wearing the wrong socks.

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Socks Maniac

I took a bit too long retrieving socks from my sock drawer this morning. This is because I am on the “socks with the name of the day printed on them” treadmill.

The “socks with the name of the day printed on them” treadmill is a cruel mistress, for when one steps upon it on a Monday, one cannot step off it until the Saturday. One cannot, for example, wear the socks on Monday and Tuesday, and go for a light grey pair on Wednesday. Even if it’s “Light Grey Socks Wednesday” in work.

This is a shame, as I quite like “Light Grey Socks Wednesday,” much more than “Drag Tuesday” or “Dress Down Friday,” when we all turn up to work and get a telling-off from the boss.

I don’t want you to think I have OCD, but I am quite obsessive about this. I think it’s very important to ensure the correct socks are worn on the correct day, even though the word printed on the sock is on the sole, for I would be mortified to have an appalling accident.

Something like this would be bound to happen…

A&E DOCTOR
What have we got?

BANDAGE
Urrrr. Gahhhh. Ooh-yah!

PARAMEDIC
Weird looking chap. Glasses, sticky-up hair, ill-fitting suit. Looks a bit like a cross between Ardal O’Hanlon and Adrian Chiles. RTA. Hard to tell what’s happened. Looks like the car mounted the pavement.

A&E DOCTOR
Ah, is he a homosexual? As has recently been established by Liverpool City Council, cars are like kryptonite to the gays.

PARAMEDIC
No, I don’t think so. As I mentioned, he has an ill-fitting suit and looks like a cross between Ardal O’Hanlon and Adrian Chiles, so I suspect he’d get short shrift if he so much as dipped a toe into the gay pond.

BANDAGE
(indistinct mumble)

A&E DOCTOR
Hmm, he’s saying something about his feet. Let me have a look at his feet. Help me get the shoes off.

BANDAGE
(AGONIZED) Nooo.

A&E DOCTOR
His socks say Thursday. But today is Monday. He probably thought the road was safe, maybe even a grassy meadow, so confused is he by life and the outside world. Hmm. Nurse, bring me the “special” pain-killers. We’ll put this poor confused idiot out of his misery.

This could quite easily happen.

On an entirely unrelated matter, is this the most disturbing gingerbread man ever created?

What sort of person goes into confectionery to create a monster like this specifically to scare children? A very bad one, I’d venture.

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