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Archive for the ‘Facebook Fatigue’ Category

My Facebook Fatigue idea was such a massive success, I’ve decided to branch out a bit.

But let me first tell you about the Online Untouchables. The poor souls who would love to form meaningful relationships in this connected world. But they keep getting the knockback from spam filters because they have peculiar names.

One of these people told me about his plight. “Bill” (not his real name, his real name is KXVXAG V1agra Gomez) said: “Facebook and Twitter are not for the likes of us. I pop in a friend request and am shunned. Then I try to follow somebody on Twitter and I get blocked. I just don’t know what to do.”

He put me in touch with “Fran” (her real name is Sxxxygrrl125, named after her grandmother). She was equally nonplussed by her manifold rejections.

“You know,” said Fran, “when I’m out in town, I’m never short of male attention. For some reason, my weird skin complaint which means I can’t wear many clothes without coming out in hives doesn’t put them off.

“But when I go online, and try to find genuine friends who’ll be happy to discuss my collection of horny Viking helmets and my inability to regulate my body temperature which makes me hot all the time, I get nowhere. And believe me, some of the comments I do receive are very rude and hurtful.”

There’s a gap in the market here and I’m going to fill it. I’m setting up imnotspam.com, a social networking site for people with peculiar names. In a way, it’s a public service. In another, it’s a method to make a lot of money.

I’ve publicised it on Twitter and I’ve already got 986 followers.

This will definitely work.

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You know, in this time-poor world, there is little more irksome than the constant demands by Facebook for one to update one’s profile.

Thankfully, help is at hand. I shall soon be setting up an online service – FacebookFatigue.com. For a small monthly fee, FacebookFatigue.com will update your profile for you. Just send us an email explaining how you feel or outlining your programme for the day and we will ensure your friends receive a constant and up-to-date news service.

Even more pressed for time? Our Premium service will fill in your status entirely on your behalf. We have a number of packages specifically tailored for the person you are:

PartyAnimal (TM)
eg John Smith is tired/out on the razz/regretting having that twelfth tequila

Earnest’n’Thoughtful (TM)
eg John Smith is worried/disturbed by the latest news from Iraq/really annoyed by racism

ShowOff (TM)
eg John Smith is loved up/jetting off to the Maldives in seven hours. Can’t wait!!/celebrating his new job as Angelina Jolie’s bosom wrangler

QuirkyZany (TM)
eg John Smith is Monkfish/like Brian Blessed, only painted green/a bucket of cheese

Sign up now!!!

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