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Archive for the ‘bedtime admin’ Category

The Snoozy Squad

Hello. Where was I?

Oh, yes. New business idea. Right. Have you ever fallen asleep in your armchair and woken up at about 1.37am?

You have? Why are you answering rhetorical questions on your screen?

Sorry. I would venture the worst thing about that is not the cushion crease on your cheek or the drooly thing, although they are admittedly rubbish, but the thought of the admin.

“Bleurgh,” one inevitably thinks, “Not only do I have to drag myself to bed, but I also have to wash this cup, put the bin out, turn the telly off, have a wee and brush my teeth. By which time I’ll be wide awake and unable to get to sleep. This is, in short, a sod.”

This is where my ace new idea comes in: The Snoozy Squad. Wake up in a state of not-being-in-bed and hit the panic button. Actually, ‘panic’ is not really the ‘vibe’ I’m ‘going’ for. I’ll call it a ‘reassurance’ button. Anyway, within minutes a crack team of operatives will burst into your house, give your cup a rinse, take out your rubbish and unplug your telly (first checking you aren’t recording something).

Then they’ll carry you to the bathroom, brush your teeth, place you on the lavvy, attend to the unmentionables, and then take you to your bedroom, where they’ll make sure you’re sorted out in the pyjama department and then tuck you in. Reduced cost for bungalows, increased cost for fat people, glass of water extra.

I’ll charge you a shedload for this, but I think peace of mind is priceless. This idea will definitely work.

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