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I wonder what it was like before IT. I imagine things were very different. And here I am, imagining it . . .

1. INT. Bare office. Three geeky men. Two of them are dressed as ALIEN MONSTERS. The third, KEN, has a water pistol.

The MONSTERS are walking back and forth across the room saying “Beep, Beep” in a rhythmic way, while KEN shoots at them. Every time he shoots he shouts “Pow!”

CAP: Balham, 1963

FX. A phone rings. Old-fashioned bell.

KEN looks round in surprise. Picks up phone

KEN (to phone)
I.T.

A FOURTH MAN, dressed as a FLYING SAUCER, runs from left to right, shouting “wacka-wacka-wacka”, behind the aliens.

KEN (to phone)
On my way.

CUT TO:

2. INT. Office. KEN is sitting at desk in front of typewriter. WOMAN stands behind him, playing with her hair, and being a bit rubbish about technology.

KEN
What’s wrong with it?

WOMAN
I don’t know. It won’t work.

KEN
Yes, but what happened?

WOMAN
I was typing a document, and it just locked up.

KEN
Anything else?

WOMAN
Yes. Every time I hit a key, there’s a funny squeaking noise.

KEN tuts. Looks carefully at typewriter. Hits a key.

FX. Squeak!

Then a look of triumph on KEN’S face. He picks up the typewriter and kicks it hard. A small creature flies out of it.

KEN
Should be all right now.

WOMAN
What was wrong with it?

KEN
It was your mouse. I just had to boot it.

END.

I bet it was exactly like that.

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