THE devil has been elected to the European Parliament.
B. Elzebub, 7,685, was returned as one of the North West’s representatives in last Thursday’s poll, after a collapse in the Labour vote.
Mr Elzebub, of the BNP (Burn Negroes Party), has reinvented himself in recent years, losing the cloven-hoofed look and toning down his ruddy complexion. And he has repositioned the party, too, in an attempt to make it more electable.
In 2006, he told the Daily Telegraph: “There’s been a lot of nonsense spoken about the BNP, as if all we’re interested in is burning negroes. And, I have to admit, in the past some of our more zealous members have been a little enthusiastic.
“But we have many other policies – about recycling, taxation, national service – all aimed at bringing respect back to British streets.
“And it’s not just negroes we’re interested in burning in the very flames of Hell these days. It’s all sinners, especially the pikeys, Jews and Muslims. And the sodomites.”
Voters in Milltown and Piechester explained to reporters why they turned to the BNP in the Euro poll.
One man, who did not want to be named, said: “I wanted to make a protest vote to scare the Government and I’m exceptionally stupid.”
A woman, who did not want to be named, found it difficult to believe that Mr Elzebub was the devil, Satan, Lord of the Flies, and Lucifer, cast out of heaven by God for refusal to serve.
She said: “I don’t think so, love. The devil’s got cloven hooves, and red skin. This fella’s in a suit.”
Another woman, who did not want to be named, said: “I don’t really agree with the BNP, but I do like the policies on recycling. And burning negroes.”
Mr Elzebub’s biggest problem when he arrives in Brussels is where he and his reanimated corpse colleague, Adolf Hitler, who was elected in Yorkshire, are going to sit.
He said: “Ideally, we’d sit with our colleagues in the other nationalist/Jew-hating parties. Although obviously we wouldn’t talk to them as foreigners are stinky.
“Unfortunately, the Conservatives are already sitting with them.”
Gordon Brown is still Prime Minister.