I wonder what simile gnats use when referring to something of notable tightness.
EXT. GNATS’ CAR PARK – DAY
TWO GNATS ARE SITTING IN A CAR, TALKING.
MARTIN (gnat, early 30s):
Goodness, Terence, that parking space is a tight as, erm, my chuff.
TERENCE (gnat, late 30s):
I really wouldn’t know, Martin.
OK, Terence, it’s as tight as your chuff.
Argh! All right, Terence, fair enough. It’s as tight as, I don’t know, a chuff. Anyone’s chuff.
Martin, I’m beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. Can we stop talking about chuffs?
I’m sorry, Terence, I’m just trying to think of something that’s quite tight, so that I can adequately express the area in which I am expected to park.
I appreciate that, Martin. But I’m just disturbed that you would immediately think of a chuff, that’s all.
What would you have thought of?
I don’t know… an earhole. I’d have probably just said it was a bit tight and left it at that.
You know your problem, Terence, you’ve no poetry in your soul.
Yes, well, if by that you mean I’m not constantly thinking about chuffs, then I’m happy to be prosaic.
Bugger. Somebody’s taken our parking space.