Archive for the ‘Confucius’ Category

The ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius is famous for his wise sayings and that. But not everything he said could have been that profound. I reckon 24/7 wisdom would be a massive drain on mental resources. In the end, you’d have to watch an episode of Hotel Babylon just to recharge the old batteries.

– “Would you like a nice cup of tea, Confucius, love?”
– “Tea is like the… The dried leaves are … Oh, flip. Yeah, all right, thanks.”

Here are some Confucian sayings that did not make the cut, despite being true:

Drain the water from a grape and you get a raisin. But put water in a raisin and you do not get a grape. You just get a big swollen raisin.

If you guide a man, make sure you know where you are going or you will look a tit.

A sheep cannot pull a plough. But put a sheep on a tractor and it can pull two ploughes. However you will have to drive as sheep are unable to operate heavy machinery.

It is acceptable to cry at a wedding. But it is unacceptable to laugh at a funeral.

Thirsty is the man who believes that milk is cows’ wee-wee.

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