Evil Mothercare

I had to buy a car seat for Bandage very minor, so Mrs Bandage and I sojourned to our local branch of Mothercare, which provides a wide range of such devices. That’s why we went there.

Having chosen our preferred model, we asked the assistant who was serving us if we could see if it would fit in our car. A reasonable request, I think you’ll agree.

Thankfully, you, the assistant and I are in full concord, and so she led us from the shop to the car park, carrying the seat herself. That was a relief as I had hurt my back playing Travel Twister (TM) (which I shall be marketing soon, it being a version I have invented of the popular game, designed to be played on long car journeys, like Travel Scrabble or Travel Cluedo).

But she didn’t take us straightaway. Oh no. First she donned a high-visibility jacket and only then did she led us from the shop.

Why was she wearing a high-visibility jacket? Was it because she did not want the security guards to think she was stealing the car seat? But she was already wearing a Mothercare uniform. The jacket would only be of use if the security guards were visually impaired. But then, which company would take on blind security guards?

No, it was for her own protection in the car park.

Now I do not wish that assistant, nor any employee of Mothercare, harm. Far from it. But why should she get special protection from the vehicles using the car park? We weren’t wearing high-visibility jackets. In a way, she was putting us in danger, while ensuring she alone was fully-protected.

In fact, she was putting us in more danger, as any cars which might have hit her would undoubtedly swerve to avoid her, alerted by her highly visible jacket, and hit me instead. A valued customer. Don’t make me laugh. I mean, how dare she? How bloody dare she?

It wasn’t her fault, of course. Company rules, she said, company rules that preserve a small clique of Mothercare employees and, effectively, kill their customers.

It’s health and safety gone mad. And then evil. Mothercare? Mothermaim, more like.

PS It’s all gone quiet on the Marathon front. Perhaps I should write Mars a letter and see if they will bring it back.

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Whatever happened to Marathons?

Does anybody remember the chocolate bar Marathon?

I used to be a big fan. They were a bit like Mars bars, but somehow the makers managed to squeeze in some peanuts. This was ideal for me, as I adore peanuts. Not to the extent that I have a peanut collection*, or anything like that. I just mean I like the taste of peanuts – aesthetically, they do nothing for me.

Anyway, Marathons. They were lovely, but they don’t appear to make them anymore. I asked a local confectioner if she had any, but she just looked at me, slack jawed, as if I had asked her for a chocolate-covered anvil, or something equally unlikely, and pointed dumbly at her vast array of sweetmeats (In the event, I chose a Topic, but it wasn’t the same).

Now, I am aware of a recent online campaign to bring back the Wispa bar, which was very successful in the sense that the Wispa bar was indeed brought back.

What say you? Will you join me in my campaign to bring back the Marathon?

* Thinking about it, I suppose peanuts would eventually go a bit mouldy. You’d have to lacquer them, I imagine, if you wanted to keep them in a collection. Just one more reason not to have one, I suppose, probably more trouble than it’s worth.

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