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Beef Tea: Redux

Right, I’ve been to one of the coffee shops and I think I’ve been too naive. Anyway, I’ve had a rethink.

INT. “MOO” – DAY

TERRY IS IN THE QUEUE AT THE BOVRIL SHIP – NAMED “MOO” – AND IT’S HIS TURN TO BE SERVED.

BARISTA:
And how can I help you, sir?

TERRY:
Bovril, please.

BARISTA:
Calf, Cow or Bull?

TERRY:
Eh?

BARISTA:
Small, medium or large?

TERRY:
Oh, er, cow.

BARISTA TAKES OUT GIGANTIC CARDBOARD CUP AND GOES OVER TO MACHINE.
STEAM ACCOMPANIED BY HISSING AND BANGING SOUNDS.

BARISTA BRINGS BACK CUP.

BARISTA:
Would you like a swirl on top?

TERRY:
Ugh, squirty cream? No, thank…

BARISTA:
No, sir. It’s not cream. It’s condensed cream of chicken soup.

TERRY:
Oh, well, in that case, swirl away.

BARISTA FLOATS VERY THICK CHICKEN SOUP ON TOP OF BOVRIL.

BARISTA:
Sprinkles?

TERRY:
I’m not sure chocolate would add to the occasion. Unless you mean hundreds and thousands. And even then…

BARISTA:
(chuckling) Very good, sir. No. We use mince.

TERRY:
Yes please.

BARISTA SPRINKLES SOME MINCE OVER THE CHICKEN SOUP.

BARISTA:
And a complimentary sausage.

BARISTA PUSHES IN A SAUSAGE, FLAKE-LIKE.

TERRY:
Mmm, lovely.

BARISTA:
That’ll be £17.87. Enjoy!

TERRY:
Oh, hang on. Is this vegetarian?

ENDS

I think that’s more like it.

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