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Archive for the ‘euthanasia’ Category

They’ve invented a card that allows anyone to refuse treatment in a medical emergency. Here is the BBC banging on about it. Have a little read, by all means, then pop back.

What frankly worries me is that, by signing the card, you might be entering into a written contract. And they are very difficult to get out of.

I can imagine the scene. And here I am, imagining it . . .

EXT: An ambulance arrives at the scene of a road traffic accident. The driver has a nasty cut in his arm and is stuck behind the wheel.

PARAMEDIC 1: Hello, my name’s Stephen. What’s your name?

DRIVER: Tom.

PARAMEDIC 1: Right, then, Tom. Let’s see about getting you out of here. Ooh, bit of a nasty gash there.

DRIVER: Yes, it is a bit tender. (Laughs weakly)

PARAMEDIC 1: I bet. Right, oh, there’s a bit of metal stuck in your thigh. Should be okay. Finbar! Tell the fire bobbies we’ll need to cut him out.

PARAMEDIC 2 (who has been standing behind): Right you are, Stephen. (Walks off).

PARAMEDIC 1: Right, let’s get that arm sorted out (opens medical bag).

PARAMEDIC 2 comes back

PARAMEDIC 2: What are you doing?

PARAMEDIC 1: I’m going to bandage him up, lest he bleed to an untimely death.

PARAMEDIC 2: (Sucks teeth) Have you checked his wallet?

PARAMEDIC 1: Yikes! Nearly forgot. Could have got into serious lumber. (Leans across DRIVER and pulls wallet from pocket).

DRIVER: Oi!

PARAMEDIC 1: (Opens wallet) Just checking. (Pulls out card) Blimey! Cheers, Finbar, that was a close one!

DRIVER: What?

PARAMEDIC 1: You’ve got one of those Right to Die cards. (He reads) STOP! I want to make an advance decision to refuse treatment. Look, you’ve signed your name here.

DRIVER: But?

PARAMEDIC 1: (starts putting away bag) There you go. (hands back wallet and card) Well, good luck, Tom.

DRIVER: Hang on. I didn’t mean . . . It’s only a cut. I meant if I was unconscious.

PARAMEDIC 1: You will be in a minute, if that’s any consolation.

DRIVER: Okay, okay, I’m giving you permission now. Treat me.

PARAMEDIC 1: Sorry mate, more than my job’s worth. We put so much as a plaster on, and you’re straight off to your brief to sue us.

DRIVER: But . . .

PARAMEDIC 2: He’s right, mate. You say we’ve got permission now. But that’s not going to stand up in court.

DRIVER: But . . .

PARAMEDIC 1: (Points at watch, clears throat) Finbar, Casualty.

PARAMEDIC 2: Tut, we’ll miss the first five minutes. All the best, Tom.

PARAMEDIC 1: Yeah, cheers, Tom.

PARAMEDICS walk back to ambulance. They meet firefighters with cutting equipment and have a short discussion. Then all drive away.

You see, they’ve opened a can of worms there.

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I’m no expert in metaphysics. I think we all can agree that. But I think I’ve stumbled on a huge cosmic loophole which could lead to eternal life.

The television channel Film4 is running a season of films which, it tells us, one has to see before one dies. The season starts with the Francis Ford Coppola film Apocalypse Now.

We can use that knowledge to live forever, as far as I can make out. If we do not see these films, we are literally unable to die.

It’s a shame really, as some of them are quite good. If only it were films like Joe Versus The Volcano with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. That was rubbish. Although I have seen that, so perhaps it’s a good thing it’s not on the list.

What does get my goat is the fact that Film4 is irresponsibly showing these films. If the powers that be really cared, they’d just publish a list of the films to avoid. Instead, they are screening them, effectively encouraging suicide.

How dare they? How bloody dare they? I’m not sure about euthanasia, but I certainly don’t think that publicly-funded bodies like Channel Four Television should involve themselves in the whole distasteful enterprise. They make me sick.

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