Things Can Only Get Better (D:Ream)
D:Ream on, you Irish snake-oil merchants. Tell that to the victims of the credit crunch. I think you’ll find that the value of stocks and shares can go down as well as up.
I’m Like A Bird (Nelly Furtado)
No, Nelly, you are a bird. The clue’s in your name, which is traditionally associated with women. Although there is that rapper.
For Your Eyes Only
Well, I can only speak from experience, but when I saw this James Bond film at the Classic cinema on Allerton Road in Liverpool in 1981, there were loads of people there. And I don’t recall hearing anybody saying afterwards, “What was all that about? Couldn’t see a thing. What do you think about the new Adam And The Ants single/upcoming Royal Wedding, by the way?”
I Believe I Can Fly (R Kelly)
I’m going to call you out on this, R Kelly. I don’t think you really believe that. If you do, you’ve had your brain addled by all that under-age sex. Either way, you can’t.
Ain’t Talkin’ About Love (Van Halen)
Actually, Mr Van Halen’s singer, you go on about not talkin’ about love at great length. Now, as far as I’m concerned, if you say constantly you’re not talkin’ about something, that’s the same as talkin’ about it.
No, Val Kilmer. Like George Clooney, your replacement, you only played Batman once.
Boys Don’t Cry (The Cure)
When I was eight, I was cycling down my road, which was on a hill. I fell off, skidding down the road on my arm. I still have the scar. Let me tell you, I cried. I’m not ashamed to admit it. And I know I’m not alone in this. Anthony McMahon cried all the time and he was one of the toughest boys in my class.