People often ask me, “Bandage, why don’t you ever do a Q&A session on the perfect Christmas dinner.” Usually, I reply along the lines of “It’s July, you mentalist.” But this seems like the ideal opportunity. If you have any questions of your own, please don’t hesitate to ask and I shall endeavour to respond…
Q. I have 12 people coming on Christmas Day. What size turkey should I get?
A. Quite a big one.
Q. Do you cook the stuffing inside or outside the bird?
A. This is a trick question, isn’t it? Inside. Otherwise it is not stuffing.
Q. How can I prevent my turkey from drying out?
A. Keep it moist.
Q. What should I do with the giblets?
A. Varnished, they make an unusual last-minute Christmas present.
Q. Do you have any suggestions to encourage my children to eat their sprouts?
A. Tell them that a bad man will take them away if they don’t. Alternatively, take a leaf from the Christmas pudding book and put a pound coin inside one, although this might be dangerous.
Q. When should I make my Christmas pudding?
Q. My mother tells me I should always stir my Christmas pudding clockwise with a wooden spoon – is this an old wives’ tale and, if so, where does the superstition come from?
A. It’s not an old wives’ tale. I think your mother’s just made it up. Is she quite a controlling person?
Q. Is my turkey cooked?
A. I have no way of knowing. Anyway, why are you cooking it now? Christmas is weeks away.