Archive for the ‘Osama Bin Laden’ Category

I’ve got one of those beards like Radovan Karadzic has got. A special magical beard of invisibility.

I’ve been wearing it for the last couple of weeks while I’ve been in hiding and I have to say it’s certainly done the trick. I’ve not been mithered by any of the people I’ve been hiding from.

For proof they work, see this. You’ll have to look very hard, but if you concentrate you can see a mass-murdering war criminal hiding in plain sight ON THE TELLY.

I understand Osama Bin Laden gets his beards of invisibility from the same supplier as me.

Perhaps the Portugeuse police are on to this, but it’s all gone terribly wrong. Maybe they’ve been confused because they’ve been looking for a bearded toddler. That’s probably the most likely explanation.

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Goodness, I’ve been busy. Do you know how busy I’ve been? I’ll tell you, I’ve been busier than the following COMBINED!!!!

  • A sniffer dog at Creamfields;
  • The man who picks up all the coins from the stage after a Jimmy Carr gig;
  • The bloke who stands in front of Osama Bin Laden holding his coat and umbrella wide open to obscure him from American spy satellites when Osama’s got the runs;
  • The chap who Piers Morgan employs to tell him he’s a cock every time he acts like a cock;
  • A peanut collector at an all-you-can-eat peanut buffet.

So, as you can see, I’ve been quite busy. So busy that I’ve been completely unable to direct you to this website, which collects passive-aggressive notes like the one in my previous post. Thankfully, that’s all over now.

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