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Archive for the ‘Avatar DVD’ Category

In the latest of our series of interviews, Graham Bandage talks to Andrew Andrews, a man who went from being a humble market trader to one of the richest men in Britain.

Graham Bandage: Andrew Andrews, you’ve got a shedload of money.

Andrew Andrews: I should say so. Although I must say, I don’t keep my money IN a shed. Banks are safer and more convenient.

GB: It’s a shame, in a way. Imagine having a big load of money in your shed. That’d be ace.

AA: Can we move on?

GB: Yeah, I suppose. How did you make your money?

AA: Have you ever been to one of those German markets?

GB: Oh, yes. There are loads of them. I like them because they sell bread. But it’s not ordinary bread that you’d get from a shop. It’s extra-special bread that costs £10. Also sausages.

AA: That’s right. You can’t move for German markets in our city centres at this time of year. Gluhwein-crazed drunks stabbing each other. Teenagers off their faces on gingerbread. Bits of rope, the lot.

GB: I know you’re very rich and everything, but what’s your point?

AA: So what was happening in Germany?

GB: Eh?

AA: While all the German traders are over here?

GB: Eh?

AA: I flew over to Hamburg, and there were loads of Germans wandering around the market squares saying, “Was?” and other German words denoting confusion.

GB: Why?

AA: Because there were no stalls. All the German market traders were over in Britain charging £8 for a hot dog. I could see a gap in the market.

GB: Well, just a gap.

AA: What?

GB: There’s no market. Your gap is essentially THE market. You’ve got a market-sized gap in the market.

AA: Anyway, I sent a load of English market traders over to Germany.

GB: How did that go down?

AA: Like a storm.

GB: Did you do the full experience?

AA: Oh yes, tarpaulin, wire coathangers, milk crates, the lot.

GB: That sounds great.

AA: Those Germans just couldn’t get enough of our teatowels and “genuine” Avatar DVDs. And at £47 a pop, who could blame them?

GB: So that’s how you made all your money.

AA: Oh, no, while I was over there I bought a Eurolottery ticket. Won £45m.

GB: Andrew Andrews, thank you.

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