Archive for the ‘horoscopes’ Category

Star Man

I was vaguely interested in the news that the British government hired an astrologer because they thought Hitler was getting advice from the stars.

That’s a lovely image, isn’t it? All the Nazis sitting around in their Evil Nazi HQ office, bored. Then Goebbels picks up his copy of Heat and starts flicking through . . .

Goebbels: “Ooh, I didn’t know Marlene Dietrich was a lesbian. Didn’t we ban those?”
Himmler: “I hope not. I think it was just the butch ones.”
Hitler: “I knew that. I knew she was a lesbian. Leni Riefenstahl told me. I wouldn’t leave her alone with my Eva. Or maybe I would, hur, hur. Ooh, let’s see. Is that Greta Garbo? Blimey, she looks rough. Huh, mashed Swede.”
Goebbels: “Oi, give that back. That’s mine.”
Hitler: “Who died and made you Fuhrer? Watch it, Herm, or it’s the death camps for you.”
(laughter, then silence)
Goebbels: “According to this I’m going to meet a dark stranger . . .”
Himmler: “. . . Then kill him. Death to all non-Aryans . . . apart from you, boss.”
Hitler: “Cheeky! I am Aryan. Actually, I’m Taurean. What does it say for me?”
Goebbels: “A situation in your personal life is beginning to spiral out of control. In fact, if you are not careful it’s going to affect your work soon, Taurus. Decide on a path and take it but don’t allow others to dictate to you. Invade Poland.”

I bet that’s exactly how it happened.

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