Archive for the ‘Sniffer dog’ Category

I am excited by the idea of passive sniffer dogs, which I have read about in today’s Liverpool Echo.

These splendid creatures are employed by the police and rather than barking when they sniff out a bit of the old contraband they merely sit next to the dope fiends. Apparently they’ve been a tremendous success.

That being the case, I wonder if the police would consider employing passive officers. I think they’d be excellent.

“Stop,” they would cry while pursing miscreants, “In the name of the law! That’s if you can be bothered. I mean, it’s no skin off my nose if you want to run away. I’ll just stand here. Don’t worry about me.”

Or perhaps, instead of televised press conferences where they wheel out tearful relatives, they could have a single senior police officer just staring out of the screen ruefully, as the camera slowly zooms in on his face. He could exhale loudly, and halfway through the process say, “I’m not angry. I’m just disappointed, that’s all.”

I think it would definitely work.

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Goodness, I’ve been busy. Do you know how busy I’ve been? I’ll tell you, I’ve been busier than the following COMBINED!!!!

  • A sniffer dog at Creamfields;
  • The man who picks up all the coins from the stage after a Jimmy Carr gig;
  • The bloke who stands in front of Osama Bin Laden holding his coat and umbrella wide open to obscure him from American spy satellites when Osama’s got the runs;
  • The chap who Piers Morgan employs to tell him he’s a cock every time he acts like a cock;
  • A peanut collector at an all-you-can-eat peanut buffet.

So, as you can see, I’ve been quite busy. So busy that I’ve been completely unable to direct you to this website, which collects passive-aggressive notes like the one in my previous post. Thankfully, that’s all over now.

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