Dear Aunty Graham,I’m a hairy-eyebrowed frizzy-headed virgin from Blackburn (the Scottish one, not the one in Lancashire). The local boys throw eggs at my house and call me mean names like “Hairy-eyebrowed frizzy-headed virgin” and “Poo-face.” How can I stop myself being a figure of fun?Yours,SBDear SB,Hmm, tricky. You do actually sound a bit of [...]
Archive for the ‘Susan Boyle (for it was she)’ Category
Agony
Posted in Amanda Holden, Piers Morgan, Susan Boyle (for it was she) on June 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Twitter Glimpse
-
Catch Up
When Bandage Used To Be Good
The Internet
Unhelpful Reviews
A repository of sub-par product advice compiled by Graham Bandage
Ramshackle Charm
All manner of stuff by James HarrisTags
- "socks with the name of the day printed on them" treadmill (2)
- absolute power (1)
- accidental sex (1)
- Adam And The Ants (1)
- Adolf Hitler (3)
- Airplane (1)
- Alan Arkin (1)
- Alan Rusbridger (1)
- Alan Titchmarsh (1)
- Amanda Holden (1)
- Amy Winehouse (1)
- Andrew Andrews (1)
- Angela Pugh (1)
- Angelina Jolie's bosom wrangler (1)
- Ann Widdecombe – sex addict (1)
- Anthony McMahon (1)
- anti-gravity cream (1)
- appalling catalogue of abuse (1)
- Aqua (1)
- Arthur C Clarke (2)
- asparagus (1)
- ATM (2)
- atomic attacks (1)
- Avatar DVD (1)
- bacon (1)
- bag of special (1)
- bakehouse roll (1)
- balaclavas (3)
- Balham (1)
- Ball Thigh Bracelet (1)
- bandages (1)
- Banksy (1)
- barber (1)
- Barbie (1)
- Batavia lettuce (1)
- BBC phone-in competition (1)
- bedtime admin (1)
- beef 'n' onion crisps (1)
- Beelzebub (1)
- being livid (1)
- Beyonce Knowles (1)
- beyond the pale (1)
- bi-polar disorder (1)
- big bag of wrong (1)
- big mobile unexploded bombs (1)
- big red circle (1)
- big yellow slippers (1)
- Billie Piper filth fest (2)
- bird (1)
- blame Google (1)
- BNP (1)
- books with a shoe on the cover spearing something by the heel (1)
- Boris Johnson (2)
- Bovril (2)
- Brangelina (1)
- bullies (1)
- Cadbury (1)
- Cancer Research UK (1)
- canny bag of Tudor (1)
- Caramac (1)
- cardboard tube (1)
- cardigans (1)
- caterpillar (1)
- cats (1)
- Chandler Bing (1)
- chaps in product development (1)
- Charles and Eddie (1)
- Charlotte Church naked (1)
- Chas Brooke (1)
- Chinatown (1)
- Chinese burn therapy (1)
- chip shops (1)
- Chivers' 'special' wellingtons (1)
- chocolate (2)
- Chrissie Hynde (1)
- Christmas decorations (1)
- Christmas pudding (1)
- chuffs (1)
- cigarettes (1)
- civil liberties (1)
- Clement Ash (1)
- clicking (1)
- Clive off Neighbours (1)
- Clusters (1)
- coins (1)
- commissionaire (1)
- comparison with father (1)
- complimentary sausage (1)
- computers (1)
- Confucius (1)
- conkers (1)
- conventional cow (1)
- Cornetto Whippy (1)
- cosmic imbalance (1)
- Cosmic loophole (1)
- Courtney Love (1)
- crack freerunners working for the fuzz (1)
- crowbar (1)
- crushing disappointment (2)
- curly queues (1)
- Daily Star (1)
- Dame Judi Dench (1)
- Daredevil (1)
- David Beckham (2)
- David Camer (1)
- David Cameron (1)
- David Carradine (1)
- dayglo parkas (1)
- Debit cards (1)
- Declan Blunt (1)
- democracy in action (1)
- Derren Brown the charlatan (1)
- dignity in the workplace guidelines (1)
- dirty great cloud of ennui (1)
- dirty great electro-magnet (1)
- dog poo (1)
- Dog whistles (1)
- Double Dip (1)
- Dr Alice Roberts (1)
- Dress Down Friday (1)
- earwax (1)
- Easter eggs (1)
- easy sudoku (1)
- Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin (1)
- euthanasia (2)
- evil Vimto (2)
- Facebook Fatigue (2)
- fat birds (1)
- Fat Brian (6)
- Father Ted as a woman (1)
- fiddling with ladies' bits (1)
- Film4 (1)
- Flip-flops (1)
- floral tributes (1)
- flying saucer (1)
- French beans (1)
- Friar Fox (1)
- friends of Dorothy (1)
- friends of friends of Dorothy (1)
- frustrated seedless joy sponges (1)
- fuchsia (1)
- gas pockets (1)
- gay village idiot (1)
- George Clooney (3)
- getting the day wrong (1)
- ginger beer (3)
- ginger beer related pictures taken by Gleamhound (2)
- gluhwein (1)
- Gok Wan (2)
- gooseberry bush (1)
- Gordon Brown (1)
- Grant Bovey (1)
- grapefruits (1)
- grapes (1)
- grappling with simile and metaphor (1)
- greasy pole climbing (1)
- great aunt Matilda (1)
- Gregg's (1)
- Gregg's sausage rolls (2)
- Gripper rods (1)
- had goat (2)
- haircut (1)
- health and safety (1)
- Heat (1)
- Hedy Lamarr (1)
- Helen Keller (1)
- Hells Angels (1)
- Henry Winkler (1)
- heroin (1)
- high-visibility jacket (2)
- hippo poison suppositories (1)
- Hobnobs (1)
- hoi polloi (1)
- holly bushes (1)
- homophobia (1)
- homosexuals (1)
- horny Viking helmets (1)
- horoscopes (1)
- how to encourage children to eat sprouts (1)
- HSBC (2)
- Ida (1)
- inability to keep up frothing certainty and hatred (1)
- Inappropriate Richard (7)
- insane jealousy (1)
- interminable repeats of Live At The Apollo (1)
- Invisible Man (1)
- ironic drag queens (1)
- Irresponsible pet shops (1)
- Islamic notion of hell (1)
- Jennifer Lopez (1)
- Jessica Alba (1)
- Joe Dolce (1)
- Joe Versus The Volcano (1)
- Joey the canary (1)
- John "Two Sick Bags" Prescott (1)
- Judi Finnegan (1)
- Justin Turnbull (1)
- Karen Matthews (1)
- Karl Marx (1)
- Kate Moss (1)
- Kate O'Mara (1)
- Ker-Plunk (1)
- knife crime (1)
- Kwik Save (1)
- lady bumps (3)
- larger ladies (1)
- lettuce (1)
- little hats for rabbits (1)
- little pouches (1)
- Liverpool – European Capital of Culture 2008 (1)
- Local female (1)
- Louise Isles (1)
- Love Food Hate Waste (1)
- Lucien Freud (1)
- maggot (1)
- malted milk biscuits (1)
- Marathon (2)
- Margaret Thatcher (1)
- Martin Gnat (1)
- Marvin Gaye (1)
- massive claw (1)
- mattress (1)
- meat suits (1)
- Meatball Marinara (1)
- metaphysics (1)
- Michael Jackson (1)
- Midge Ure (1)
- mild ripple on the world's oceans (1)
- Miscreants (1)
- Mobile phones (1)
- money making schemes (1)
- monkeys (1)
- monotone voices (1)
- Mothercare (1)
- mouldy peanuts (2)
- Mr X (1)
- Mrs Potter (1)
- mug of coffee rather than a cup (1)
- Mutt and Jeff (1)
- Myleene Klass (1)
- near-the-knuckle PRETEND jokes which might get me into trouble (1)
- nectarines (1)
- Negative Man (1)
- Neil Armstrong (1)
- Nelly Furtado (1)
- Nicholas Lyndhurst (1)
- Noam Chomsky (2)
- Noseybonks (1)
- not actually anti-semitic (1)
- obscure Aztec Camera reference (1)
- old wind-up gramophone (1)
- Olive off On The Buses (1)
- one bag (1)
- Online Untouchables (1)
- opposite of a superlative (1)
- oranges (1)
- Osama Bin Laden (2)
- other flavours of crisps (3)
- panic buying petrol (1)
- parkas made of gloom (1)
- Parkour (1)
- passive-aggressive porn (1)
- Paul Daniels (1)
- peanuts (1)
- penguin (1)
- Pepe Le Pew (1)
- perfectly round holes (1)
- perforated wallpaper (1)
- perpetual motion (1)
- Pete Beale (1)
- Pete Price (1)
- pickle (1)
- Piers Morgan (3)
- pigeon of woe (1)
- PIN codes (1)
- Pineapple chunks (1)
- plastic bag trees (1)
- plastic domes (1)
- ploys to increase readership (1)
- politics (2)
- Posh Spice (1)
- powerful magnet (1)
- pregnant (1)
- Prince Harry (1)
- prunes (1)
- pyjamas (1)
- Radovan Karadzic (1)
- raisins (1)
- rat poison (1)
- Ratan Tata (4)
- rats (2)
- Ray Harryhausen (1)
- refried beans (1)
- Reg Holdsworth (1)
- restless legs syndrome (1)
- Richard Hammond (1)
- Richard Madeley (1)
- right-wing conspiracy theory (1)
- Robert Mugabe (1)
- robot hand (1)
- Roger Dulwich (1)
- Royal British Legion (1)
- rueful stare (1)
- Rumplestiltskin (1)
- Russian (1)
- Russian dolls (1)
- Russian roulette (1)
- Sainsbury's Local (3)
- sandwiches (1)
- Sarky Karen (1)
- Scottish Animal Naming Board (1)
- scrumping (1)
- Scuffing (1)
- sex (2)
- Sex Pistols (1)
- Shannon Matthews (1)
- sheep (2)
- sherbet (1)
- showbiz gossip (2)
- Sinclair ZX Spectrum (1)
- single-handed (1)
- sketch artist (1)
- skimpy clothes (1)
- Slang Riots of 1893 (1)
- sneezing (1)
- Sniffer dog (2)
- socks (1)
- solidarity with the gays (1)
- some bloke I know vaguely (1)
- sordid business (1)
- Stalin (1)
- Stanley Street (1)
- Starbucks (1)
- StatCounter (1)
- Stephen Hawking (1)
- Stephen the paramedic (1)
- Stevie Wonder's snack-orientated brother Golden (1)
- Stewart Lee (1)
- Stockhausen (1)
- Subway (1)
- suggesting inappropriately that a lady is a prostitute (1)
- Superman (1)
- Supernanny (1)
- Susan Boyle (for it was she) (1)
- swine flu (1)
- Sword of Damocles (1)
- T-Mobile (1)
- technology (2)
- teenagers off their faces on gingerbread (1)
- teeny tiny ickle red tree (1)
- tens and hundreds (1)
- Terence Gnat (1)
- Tesco (3)
- The ASDA (1)
- The Banana Boat Song (1)
- The Beatles (1)
- the best job in the world (1)
- The blind (1)
- The Bunker (1)
- The funniest cartoon ever (4)
- The Home Show (1)
- the inadvisabilty of swallowing rats (1)
- the inevitable demise of Top-Notch (1)
- the late David Niven (1)
- The Lobster Pot (1)
- the love of thingy (1)
- the menopause (1)
- the mindbending properties of infinity (1)
- the most disturbing image ever (1)
- the name Roderick (5)
- The new Bandage blog all about unhelpful reviews (1)
- the penny trap (1)
- The Pretenders (1)
- The Vague Birdwatchers (1)
- The word 'get' used instead of the word 'have' (1)
- the word 'here' (1)
- theft (1)
- Thick Jack Clot (1)
- toast (1)
- Todd Cleethorpes the third man on the moon (1)
- Tommy Cannon (not the one out of Cannon and Ball) (1)
- Topic (1)
- tough men with microphones (1)
- tragic deaths of 38 budgies (1)
- trainers (1)
- transvestites in duffel coats (rare) (1)
- Travel Twister (1)
- Trevor Coyote (1)
- Trevor Eve (1)
- turkey (1)
- Twitter (3)
- typewriters (1)
- Uncategorized (3)
- Unknown Soldier (1)
- urinal (1)
- Val Kilmer (1)
- vegans (1)
- Velcro (1)
- Viagra (1)
- Vimto (1)
- Walkers et al (1)
- wasps (1)
- WD40 (1)
- WH Smith (1)
- whopping great sign (1)
- Wile E Coyote (1)
- Wimbledon (1)
- wire coathangers (1)
- Wirral borough council (1)
- Wispa (1)
- xtranormal.com (1)
- Yo-Yo Ma (1)
- YouTube (1)
